You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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