i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
