first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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