i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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