i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
