ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
