she was so not down for the gang bang
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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