i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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