you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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