Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
