lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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