my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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