i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
