Nicole vs. Life
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
