if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
