My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
