Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
