You're so nebulous sometimes
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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