and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
