so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
