This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
