I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
