one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
