I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
handjob tips. give me some.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
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Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
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Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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