Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now

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(513): View more from Ohio

New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.

Fav 21 8526 1265
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.

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(213): View more from California

"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.

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(607): View more from New York

Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!

(315): View more from New York

I get naked cuz your not there

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(404): View more from Georgia

It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.

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(765): View more from Indiana

Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.

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(954): View more from Florida

oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?

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