New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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