How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
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You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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