I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
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