we made out on top of his cat.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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