hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
