Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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