You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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