My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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