Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
