i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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