I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
