Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
