why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
