If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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