there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
