Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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