Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
