You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
