i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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