easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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