...so i touched it.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So much rum. So many feels.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
