I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
