Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
