dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
