return my video game
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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