Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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