I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
