Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
