it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
