Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
