Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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