I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
