finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just high enough for therapy.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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