So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
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just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
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I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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