So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
