let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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