i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
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