I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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