Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
