It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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