Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
she pinky promised me she was 18
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
