Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
