I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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