ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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