We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
