Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
