Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
