just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
