Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
