Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
