I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
