Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
