how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
