i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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