remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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