dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Randomize
